The Bieber Noninterference

... That title sounded like a Big Bang Theory title.

AHEM.

Anyway, the reason I've titled this post in such a manner is because I have something to say about Mister Justin Bieber, and I want to say it before the Directioners kill the Beliebers and rage war on the Little Monsters.  I'd list more cheesy fan names, but I can't think of any, and I'm a Maroon 5 person myself.  (Maybe I'm a Marooner ...?)

First off, I am clinging wholeheartedly to the non-side of neutrality here.  While some of my friends would peg me as the leader of Anti-Bieber Force 4427.9 without batting an eye, I want to protect myself from the Beliebers.  They're armed with fancy Believe perfume now, you know.  Scent--heaven forbid.

The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm feeling a little tired of this unnecessary conflict in my life.  I once asked a friend (who shall remain anonymous for his/her own safety) what trait in my personality, that, if removed, would render me the most different than before.  He/she promptly said: "Well, if you were a Belieber, you wouldn't be the same at all."

...

What.

If my opinion toward a certain teen heartthrob is what defines my personality, then something's wrong.  Deeply wrong.

Yes, I think the B-man is overrated.  Yes, I think we need to send Miley Cyrus to Canada to repay them for the epidemic they brought on every 10+ girl (except me) in the country.  Yes, I'd like to set fire to the Bieber section of Claire's just to see how many screaming girls try to put it out.

But, in no way whatsoever do I consider myself an avid pursuer of the destruction of Justin Bieber.  I don't sleep with a hatchet for fear he'll come too close to my territory.  I don't paste pictures of his face onto a dartboard and bide my time scheming his downfall.

So, for any of you who are wondering, I don't hate Justin Bieber.  I hate the worship of him.  He's not a god, and he's most certainly not your future husband.  He's a teen heartthrob, and he's going to marry a famous girl whom he'll divorce and remarry four times before his death.  For those of you who fantasize about your wedding, please keep your sick fantasies to yourself and realize soon that it's not going to happen.

As for One Direction, that is a topic for another day. 

In Exciting Exitementses

(Fast-talking-author's-note: For this post and this post only, you will refer to me as Gollum.)

Is anyone elses excites for the Hobbitses movie?  Come December, you'll find Gollum in a theater against Gollum's will.  Yesssss, Gollum is excites, but the Lord of the Ringses series averaged three and half hourses each.  None can go that long without a bathroom break.  Not only does Gollum hates public restroomses, Gollumses developed a fondness for Gollumses precious pause button.

Anywayses, the writer decide to pay tribute to the Lord of the Ringses movies by writing entire post in Gollum's accent.

Yessss, the upcoming Hobbitses movie has caused some role reversalses in the writerses household.  Normally, writer is the one who drags family to theaterses, but now writerses brother has taken over.  Not only that, writer is now blogging as a creepies, emaciated hobbitses.  And Gollum is youngers now.

(Another fast-talking-author's-note: I cannot go further in that voice.  It strains the brainses)

On another matter, does anyone feel a little deja vu in this matter?  The same thing happened with Star Wars: they made a prologue after making the original trilogy, which now causes a lot of tension among fans.  Which ones are technically "the first"?  Please tell me we aren't going to undergo the same happenings with the Hobbit!  Granted, this time each movie will either have Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit at the front of the title, but it's not much consolation.

And that's all I have to say on the matter.

Just kidding, one more thing: when typing, it's really hard to write like Gollum without Jar-Jar Binks getting in the way.

"Yesss, meesa thinks the Hobbitses movie will be very entertaining!"

The Blogging Process

For those of you who care, care to know, or think knowing will help you care, this is a post about my personal process for blogging and what an average post goes through before arriving online Monday morning.  This will be a detailed step-by-step process, so get your pencils and/or pens out and prepare to do some serious note taking.

STEP ONE: FORMULATE ROUGH IDEA
This generally happens via embarrassing occurrence to/about my person and/or other person who I may/may not know.

STEP TWO: PONDER EMBARRASSING OCCURRENCE
To know it, you must go back and replay it over and over in your head, no matter the personal humiliation it makes you feel.

STEP THREE: LOG ON TO BLOGGER
Easy enough.

STEP FOUR: HIT THE 'NEW POST' BUTTON
If you start feeling a burn in your hand, push on through.

STEP FIVE: TYPE MADLY
Hit keys.

STEP SIX: VIEW COMPLETED FIRST DRAFT
Some straining of the eyes may occur.

STEP SEVEN: DEVELOP WORK ETHIC FOR BACKSPACE BUTTON
It'll thank you later.

STEP EIGHT: HATE STUPID SECOND DRAFT
Second drafts are always the worst: not bad enough to be an obvious work-in-progress, but too awful to read over without initiating a gag reflex.

STEP NINE: KILL IT
I generally use a blowtorch and the red X in the top right corner.  That's left, for you Mac people.

STEP TEN: RESURRECT IT
Preferably with thunder and lightning for special effect.

STEP ELEVEN: MARRY IT
Optional.

STEP TWELVE: BURN IT WITH FIRE
Blogs are known to cause violent mood swings and often influence hardcore love-hate relationships in their owners.

STEP THIRTEEN: SCATTER ASHES IN THE WIND
Maniacal laughter optional.

STEP FOURTEEN: LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX FOR THREE DAYS
You'll spend your time not showering and fretting about how close Monday is.

STEP FIFTEEN: RUN BACK WITH A BROOM AND A LOT OF GLUE
If you scattered correctly, unnecessary parts of the dreaded second draft should have gone to the Alps, leaving you with a presentable third draft.

STEP SIXTEEN: REPEAT NEXT WEEK

***

And that's the basic process of how I meet my mandatory deadline.