Last week I made my first-ever bucket list. It's a pretty legit bucket list if you ask me. Here are a few of my great strivings-for:
-Climb a notable mountain
-Hotwire a car
-Own a dog from puppyhood
-Learn to animate
-Own a functioning stoplight
-Swim with dolphins
-Hammer a full toothpaste tube just for the heck of it
-Observe a really stupid holiday
-Be in an anti-gravity chamber
-Order dumb toppings on a pizza just to see what you get
If you take the first letter from every item it says "CHOLOS HOBO." I think I just predicted my future. Legit. That's right: I'm going to conquer the world with a teenage hobo from a street gang! They'll write parodies about us.
Jingle bells
Hobos smell
But one just saved the day
He swooped in with his blogger friend
And they totaled the town, hey!
Monday, October 22
Monday, October 8
Genres
I was at Barnes and Noble the other day, browsing for nothing in particular, when a sign caught my eye. There's a new genre in town, and its large enough to have three huge bookcases to itself. It's called "Teen Paranormal Romance."
Oooookay, let me state that as a writer myself, I do not understand what goes through these authors' heads. For one thing, what are they hoping to achieve? Twilight did it: it told a story and then was never heard from again (technically, Miss Meyer's working on a second version of Twilight now, all told from Edward's point of view--but that's beside the point). To go any further into this genre is to gut it and remove what dignity Dracula has left. You want a vampire story with REAL vampires? Read Dracula. (Another side note: that's what I bought at B&N: Dracula.) There's a real villain with a real plan and real stuff going down.
It just strikes me as odd that these silly Twilight clingers-on are still around, still writing filth. The Dracula I bought has footnotes explaining what hundred-letter-words mean. You won't learn a single new word in Teen Paranormal Romance, unless its a four-letter one.
I'm not even sure what I was trying to prove with this post. I guess Dracula is more of a thriller or a horror novel, but I'm still miffed at bad authors for making vampires seem like wusses. That certainly was not the intention of Bram Stoker.
I just blew my own mind. What will this new Twilight book be? I mean, it's not a prologue or an epilogue, as it runs right alongside Twilight itself. Maybe it's a sideogue. Runalongogue. Othersideofthestoryogue.
I might as well confess that I can't take Dracula seriously at all because the great vampire himself has a white handlebar mustache.
...
Grassisgreenerontheothersideogue. Thisiswhathewasthinkingthewholetimeogue. Whyareyoustillreadingthisogue? NoseriouslyIdon'tupdatetilnextweekogue. Handlebarmustachelikeasirogue:
Oooookay, let me state that as a writer myself, I do not understand what goes through these authors' heads. For one thing, what are they hoping to achieve? Twilight did it: it told a story and then was never heard from again (technically, Miss Meyer's working on a second version of Twilight now, all told from Edward's point of view--but that's beside the point). To go any further into this genre is to gut it and remove what dignity Dracula has left. You want a vampire story with REAL vampires? Read Dracula. (Another side note: that's what I bought at B&N: Dracula.) There's a real villain with a real plan and real stuff going down.
It just strikes me as odd that these silly Twilight clingers-on are still around, still writing filth. The Dracula I bought has footnotes explaining what hundred-letter-words mean. You won't learn a single new word in Teen Paranormal Romance, unless its a four-letter one.
I'm not even sure what I was trying to prove with this post. I guess Dracula is more of a thriller or a horror novel, but I'm still miffed at bad authors for making vampires seem like wusses. That certainly was not the intention of Bram Stoker.
I just blew my own mind. What will this new Twilight book be? I mean, it's not a prologue or an epilogue, as it runs right alongside Twilight itself. Maybe it's a sideogue. Runalongogue. Othersideofthestoryogue.
I might as well confess that I can't take Dracula seriously at all because the great vampire himself has a white handlebar mustache.
...
Grassisgreenerontheothersideogue. Thisiswhathewasthinkingthewholetimeogue. Whyareyoustillreadingthisogue? NoseriouslyIdon'tupdatetilnextweekogue. Handlebarmustachelikeasirogue:
Monday, October 1
The Quote of the Century
I'm going to keep this post short and sweet. Firstly, I watched an episode of The Looney Tunes Show the other day. Secondly, I heard the GREATEST THING EVER while watching. Allow me to elaborate:
DAFFY DUCK: (To a famous actress whose attention he's trying to procure) COME ON, WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS, POINT YER LOOKIN'-BALLS AT YER FUTURE EX-HUSBAND!
The writers of that show are freakin' geniuses.
Television is awesome.
DAFFY DUCK: (To a famous actress whose attention he's trying to procure) COME ON, WHATEVER-YOUR-NAME-IS, POINT YER LOOKIN'-BALLS AT YER FUTURE EX-HUSBAND!
The writers of that show are freakin' geniuses.
Television is awesome.
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