The Blogging Process

For those of you who care, care to know, or think knowing will help you care, this is a post about my personal process for blogging and what an average post goes through before arriving online Monday morning.  This will be a detailed step-by-step process, so get your pencils and/or pens out and prepare to do some serious note taking.

STEP ONE: FORMULATE ROUGH IDEA
This generally happens via embarrassing occurrence to/about my person and/or other person who I may/may not know.

STEP TWO: PONDER EMBARRASSING OCCURRENCE
To know it, you must go back and replay it over and over in your head, no matter the personal humiliation it makes you feel.

STEP THREE: LOG ON TO BLOGGER
Easy enough.

STEP FOUR: HIT THE 'NEW POST' BUTTON
If you start feeling a burn in your hand, push on through.

STEP FIVE: TYPE MADLY
Hit keys.

STEP SIX: VIEW COMPLETED FIRST DRAFT
Some straining of the eyes may occur.

STEP SEVEN: DEVELOP WORK ETHIC FOR BACKSPACE BUTTON
It'll thank you later.

STEP EIGHT: HATE STUPID SECOND DRAFT
Second drafts are always the worst: not bad enough to be an obvious work-in-progress, but too awful to read over without initiating a gag reflex.

STEP NINE: KILL IT
I generally use a blowtorch and the red X in the top right corner.  That's left, for you Mac people.

STEP TEN: RESURRECT IT
Preferably with thunder and lightning for special effect.

STEP ELEVEN: MARRY IT
Optional.

STEP TWELVE: BURN IT WITH FIRE
Blogs are known to cause violent mood swings and often influence hardcore love-hate relationships in their owners.

STEP THIRTEEN: SCATTER ASHES IN THE WIND
Maniacal laughter optional.

STEP FOURTEEN: LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX FOR THREE DAYS
You'll spend your time not showering and fretting about how close Monday is.

STEP FIFTEEN: RUN BACK WITH A BROOM AND A LOT OF GLUE
If you scattered correctly, unnecessary parts of the dreaded second draft should have gone to the Alps, leaving you with a presentable third draft.

STEP SIXTEEN: REPEAT NEXT WEEK

***

And that's the basic process of how I meet my mandatory deadline.