Remember my ear buds? You know, the ones that are falling apart and hold themselves together with earwax and nothing more? Yeah, those.
Well, they've returned for more adventures in madness. It all happened about three nights ago, when I was listening to music on my iPad before bed. I finally decided to go to bed, so pulled back the covers with one hand while holding my iPad in the other. The ear buds, of course, were in use.
Well, when I crawled under the covers, I happened to generate some static electricity. Normally, this wouldn't have been a problem, but that night it was.
See, the static electricity traveled through the ear buds and INTO MY EARDRUMS. Have you had your inner ear shocked lately? Take my word for it: it's not enjoyable in the slightest. I responded with lightning-fast reflexes, ripping the ear buds from my head. When they hit the floor, though, they fell apart, so I don't think I accomplished anything.
Monday, January 28
Monday, January 21
5 Second Rule
Is anyone else baffled by our so-called 5 second rule? Recent scientific developments have shown that it is indeed something to take into consideration when you drop food on a relatively clean surface, but what those scientists didn't do is take the 5 second rule to the next level. Here's my premise: lets say I drop a sandwich on the floor and pick it up within 2 1/2 seconds. Now, let's say I drop the sandwich again and recover it within 2 1/2 seconds. Does my sandwich have the same amount of germs on it as it would have if I'd left it on the ground for 5 seconds, and is it still edible?
And if my sandwich is good for 4.99 seconds on my kitchen floor (which, for the purpose of this exercise, we'll say is freshly mopped), is it good for 1.99 seconds on a sticky restaurant table, or is the table just too grimy altogether and I'd be better off chucking the sandwich at my cholos hobo because it functions better as a throwing star than a sandwich?
Returning to my first question, here's a follow-up question: do germs fade away eventually, meaning that if I dropped my sandwich and retrieved it within 2 seconds and let it sit in a corner for a few days before dropping it for 2 seconds again, does it have 2 or 4 seconds worth of germs?
My most pressing concern, however, is how I even got that sandwich and how I'm clumsy enough to drop it 6 times during the course of this post. I mean, based on my sandwich-making tendencies, someone either made me that sandwich or I bought that sandwich, and it seems awfully rude of me to drop a sandwich I didn't make 6 times. (And for those of you who weren't keeping track, my sandwich is up to 15.98 floor seconds. I don't think I will eat that sandwich.)
And if my sandwich is good for 4.99 seconds on my kitchen floor (which, for the purpose of this exercise, we'll say is freshly mopped), is it good for 1.99 seconds on a sticky restaurant table, or is the table just too grimy altogether and I'd be better off chucking the sandwich at my cholos hobo because it functions better as a throwing star than a sandwich?
Returning to my first question, here's a follow-up question: do germs fade away eventually, meaning that if I dropped my sandwich and retrieved it within 2 seconds and let it sit in a corner for a few days before dropping it for 2 seconds again, does it have 2 or 4 seconds worth of germs?
My most pressing concern, however, is how I even got that sandwich and how I'm clumsy enough to drop it 6 times during the course of this post. I mean, based on my sandwich-making tendencies, someone either made me that sandwich or I bought that sandwich, and it seems awfully rude of me to drop a sandwich I didn't make 6 times. (And for those of you who weren't keeping track, my sandwich is up to 15.98 floor seconds. I don't think I will eat that sandwich.)
Monday, January 7
Calendars
Out of all the dumb things people buy at the beginning of a new year, calendars are--by far--the dumbest. The logic behind buying a calendar is flawed at best. Calendar distributors around the world expect you to, for a whole year, remain thoroughly and irredeemably attached to whatever thing your calendar features. Every month/day (depending on your tastes and calendar interaction level or CIL), you will see a new picture of the same thing and are expected to like that thing, January-December, without fail.
Am I the only one who sees the major flaw in this line of thinking? This especially goes for those pesky movie calendars--"Why, yes, I do intend to like Hunger Games and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II all year, or at least until early May, when I will once again find myself in desperate need of a Tony Stark/Robert Downy Jr. calendar."
And then you've got your Justin Bieber/One Direction/Hot Guys with Baby Animals calendars, which follow directly along the poster line of thinking.
Anyway, I ended up with an Agent P calendar, which solved all my problems--he's a cartoon platypus, and never has any dialogue and therefore will never be ruined by cruddy TV writers, which will ensure his likableness until 2014, at which time I will once again embark on a ridiculous calendar journey.
Am I the only one who sees the major flaw in this line of thinking? This especially goes for those pesky movie calendars--"Why, yes, I do intend to like Hunger Games and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II all year, or at least until early May, when I will once again find myself in desperate need of a Tony Stark/Robert Downy Jr. calendar."
And then you've got your Justin Bieber/One Direction/Hot Guys with Baby Animals calendars, which follow directly along the poster line of thinking.
Anyway, I ended up with an Agent P calendar, which solved all my problems--he's a cartoon platypus, and never has any dialogue and therefore will never be ruined by cruddy TV writers, which will ensure his likableness until 2014, at which time I will once again embark on a ridiculous calendar journey.
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