The Problem with Toothpaste

The problem with toothpaste is that it's white.  It doesn't matter if there are decorative blue, green, or red stripes through it, the base remains white, unless you use freaky blue toothpaste (if you do, you may be excused from reading this post to go do whatever it is you blue-toothpaste-users do). 

Anyway, the way I see it, the whiteness of toothpaste itself is a scam to make people buy more toothpaste.  They look in the mirror, and in contrast to the pure white froth of the toothpaste, their teeth look downright yellow and downright nasty.  So, we brush harder with our "whitening" toothpaste, but let me tell you something--that silly scrub isn't going to do a darn thing. 

So we buy better "whitening" toothpaste, and we buy whitening strips, and we go to the dentist and ask a professional's opinion on the matter, but don't you think the whole problem would go away if we just stopped using white toothpaste? (Blue toothpaste users, you might be on to something ...)

But then again, some blue toothpaste turns to white froth in the mouth, so it'll take some trial and error to find the toothpaste that makes you look good while using it.  Whoah, actually, that's a huge trial in and of itself, one I encourage you to drop this instant into a pile of smoking coals.  

Two bucks to the first person to send a self-portrait glamor shot of themselves brushing their teeth.  That, along with flying, it something we humans simply cannot do.  Do you see models on the runway with toothbrushes in their mouths?  That's just not happening.  Ever.